Category Archives: inspiration, humor, family

Little Pink Bible

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Jesus, girl power and a funeral

One of my favorite treasures is my little pink Bible. It was a gift from Mom and Pop Cutshaw for Christmas one year. I had been wanting a small, pocket-sized Bible that I could carry everywhere with me, for quick reference and portability. It has my first name embossed on the front in shiny silver letters.

I sometimes wonder if I own too many Bibles, and if that could be a sin somehow. It might be different if I didn’t read them, but since I do, maybe it is OK that I have so many. I have several different translations because they help me to understand what I am reading. I have a few Bibles that belonged to Mama, and they won’t be going anywhere until I have died and someone passes them along to the next generation, probably filled with poems, clippings and pictures, like they were when they came to me. I have several One-Year type Bibles that I use for daily reading, again in various translations that I alternate year by year. And yes, I read it daily. It’s a discipline that has taken shape over the years and now it is as much a part of my life as breathing and food. And just as nourishing.

I am not a minister in the official-trained-ordained sense of the word, but I took a ministry class last year which opened my eyes to all kinds of spiritual service and allowed me wonderful opportunities to offer pastoral care to people in need. Many friends and family members supported me in seeking this opportunity and in fulfilling it once I was accepted into the program. My cousin, Judy, was a very vocal believer in this process and in my efforts to learn through it.

Toward the end of last year, Judy’s mama, Betty, succumbed to years of health problems and passed away in December. Because of my recent ministry experience, and because she loves me, Judy asked me if I would serve as chaplain and preach her mama’s graveside service. After I made sure that it was permissible for me to do so, I accepted this invitation with joy and deep gratitude.

What an incredible honor…and responsibility. Judy and I met at a coffee shop to talk about memories from Betty’s life, favorite scriptures, poems, even a funny story or two to share both laughter and tears at the graveside. Betty had an independent streak and had been quite the feminist in her lifetime, a trait that sometimes made for awkwardness between her and her husband, Crawford, on election day. She cast her last ballot in the Presidential election of 2012, an absentee ballot from the hospital, and quipped that finally Crawford, who had passed away in 2011, would not cancel out her vote! Politics aside, Betty and Crawford both spent their lives serving Jesus and living by the principles He taught, each in their individual ways.

It was cold the day we buried her, and I showed up at the cemetery in all black from head to toe, except for one thing. I conducted her graveside service using my little pink Bible. Judy said that would have pleased Betty very much, the pop of pink and the girl power of a female chaplain. As I read from that little pink Bible, my thoughts were of Betty and our family, and of all the ones who have gone to Heaven before us. And I gave thanks for Mom and Pop Cutshaw, who had given me this wonderful gift so many years ago, a gift that helped me to send off my beloved family member with laughter, tears and prayers.Image

Bobbing For Inspiration

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Giftedness in the family

I’ve been writing blogs for about a year and a half.  Throughout my life, I have kept journals, usually in times when I’ve been depressed and overwhelmed.  And I’ve written lots of really bad poetry over the decades as well, again during periods of deep pain and distress.  In my wildest of dreams, I would love to publish a book.  I’ve heard that every person living has a book inside them…and for most, that’s where it should stay!  Mine is most likely one of those.

Reed, my brother, is the writer in the family.  I have always joked that he’s just waiting for the generation ahead of us to die off and then he’ll hit the market with a scathing family tell-all that will sell millions and he’ll be able to live the fancy life forevermore, Amen.  Image

I think he and I see our family and our world in very different ways, and we probably always will.  He is more realistic, but also more of a risk-taker in making his dreams happen.  I like to dream, but I require a certain kind of security to function comfortably.  He wrote a book that was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.  He has written dozens of magazine articles and interviews, as well as overseeing and writing publications for his companies when he worked in the corporate world.  People like what he has to say and they like how he says it.Image

I went to a party years ago where he was signing books and got started talking to a lady there after Reed introduced us.  In the course of our conversation, she leaned in conspiratorially and said, “You know, your brother is really an exceptional person,” as though she was sharing a big secret of which I was unaware.  Without blinking, I responded, “Of course he is.  We come from a long line of them, and he is exceptionally exceptional!”  Image

Since I began writing my blogs and sharing them, people have started saying that I should write a book.  Aunt Helen wants me to write about the family history, and I agree that those stories need to be kept alive for the simple reason that no one could make that stuff up!  But I always say that Reed is the writer, and he is.  All I do is share stories, memories and the feelings that come with them.  I don’t write with any kind of eloquence or expertise.  Reed is the smart one, the gifted one, the big brother who inspires me.

As different as we are, we also have much common ground.  We share parents and genes, memories and experiences.  We know what it was like to lose our Granny when we were kids and how it changed each of us forever.  We know what it was like to grow up in that house, the good and the funny, the traumatic and the damaging.  I’d take a bullet for him and I believe he would for me.

Last summer I had weight loss surgery and it was a big, invasive deal.  As much as Reed hates hospitals (and he HATES them), he came and kept Jeff and me company back in the pre-op area for a couple of hours while the doctors and nurses did their final preparations before my operation.  As they got ready to wheel me back, I kissed and hugged Jeff and we exchanged our “I-love-you”‘s.  Then Reed leaned down to hug me and I said, “I know we don’t usually do this, but, I love you.”  You know, in case I died or something, I didn’t want to leave it unsaid!  And he said he loved me too.  But his showing up there had already said it for him.

He writes words, but he lives actions.  He shows up.  He dreams, and he lives on his own terms. As I go through my life bobbing for inspiration, I can always find it in him.Image

Violets Are Blue

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Sometimes I wonder about the tiny miracles

Every spring, without fail, the violets catch me off-guard.  They shouldn’t come as a surprise.  They pop up as part of the rhythm of the seasons, the cycle of life on our planet.  But still, somehow, their appearance inspires wonder in my heart.Image

Sometimes our world is a very cold and ugly place, after all.  Crime, poverty and injustice are everywhere.  People do horrible things to one another for all kinds of crazy reasons, or for no reason at all.  People commit the unforgivable.

But for all its atrocities, our world is also a place of astonishing beauty.  Flowers bloom, butterflies flutter and children laugh.  Love happens.  The unforgivable, somehow, is forgiven.

I have heard it said that violets are the symbol of forgiveness, because it is only when they are crushed that they reveal their sweet fragrance.  It makes me wonder about the fragrance I waft into my world when I feel wronged.  Am I able to forgive and spread sweetness when I’m crushed, like a violet?

God made the violet so tiny, yet so beautiful.  I am always amazed at His creativity and attention to detail.  Why bother to craft something so small with such exquisite care?  It is just what He does.  Forgiving me is something He does, as well.  If He can forgive me for my offenses, what right do I have not to forgive those who offend me?  Lord, help me be like the violet, spreading sweetness when I am crushed.Image

The Big Five

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Mama and her sisters

Mama was the youngest of 9 children, 5 girls and 4 boys.  I was blessed to know most of Mama’s siblings and to have close relationships with them.  I missed out on knowing my Uncle Horace, who died before I was born, and my Uncle Eli, who died when I was very small and I have no memory of him, if I ever met him at all. The oldest child was 20 by the time Mama came along, so there was a big spread in their ages.  There was a big spread in their personalities, temperaments, talents and challenges as well.  None of Mama’s kinfolks were perfect, but they were all originals!

For years, Aunt Ruby would host Thanksgiving at her house.  It was the biggest family gathering of the year and an occasion I always looked forward to.  There would be so many of us that we would eat in shifts at the kitchen table.  Aunt Ruby would roast the turkey, starting in the wee hours of the morning.  I can’t count the number of Wednesday-night-before-Thanksgiving sleepovers I spent there with her and Uncle John and my cousins, waking up to the smell of turkey in the oven and the anticipation of seeing so much family throughout the day.  At some point during the day, 2 or more of the sisters would pile into the one small bathroom to pee and fix their lipstick and get tickled at something and laugh till someone had to pee again.  It was my favorite holiday, hands down.

For a number of years, Mama and her sisters would line up on Aunt Ruby’s front porch for a picture of  “The Big Five”.  They would line up in order of their ages, so whichever way the lineup went, Aunt Martha always ended up in the middle because she was the middle girl!  Mama enjoyed unique, close relationships with each of her sisters (and her brothers, too).  She, Aunt Ruby and Aunt Martha shared a love of quilting and spent many hours around the frames creating works of art that grace many of our beds to this day.  Mama and Aunt Elaine worked together for years in a nursing home caring for elderly patients, including Dad’s parents, my Mamaw and Papaw.  Aunt Mary was the oldest girl, but in many ways  she was the neediest because of the struggles she faced for most of her life.  Of all her sisters, Aunt Mary leaned on Mama the most.

Mama took a little something from each sister:  From Aunt Mary, her feistiness (and sometimes her temper!); from Aunt Ruby, her strength; from Aunt Martha, her humor; and from Aunt Elaine, her sometimes naive desire to believe the best about people.  I have been privileged to grow up knowing and loving these women.  Sometimes I am told that I bear a resemblance to one of them.  Often when I laugh really hard, it sounds a lot like Mama’s laugh, the music of the ages bubbling up from her and all the women in our family.  Only Aunt Ruby remains of “The Big Five”, the others having gone on to Heaven.

I miss them.  I miss the hugs and the quiet moments I spent with each one of them.  I miss the Thanksgivings, the peals of female laughter from Aunt Ruby’s bathroom, and the front porch portraits of “The Big Five”.Image