And so many interpretations of that idea…
I am running out of time.
We all are.
Not to sound nihilistic, but it is a fact. When a person is born, the meter starts running. We are given a finite, and unknown to us, number of years/days/seconds in which we are to fulfill our life’s purpose. Some of us never even determine what that purpose is, much less fulfill it.
I remember when we perched on the cusp of THE YEAR 2000, and Y2K Fever was rampant. Doomsayers warned us that computer systems would fail, grinding the economy to a violent, albeit temporary, halt. End-time prophets advised us all to lay in extra supplies of food, water, medicines, and cash, to protect us from the coming mini-apocalypse that the start of The New Millennium would bring. All that the paranoid pundits feared amounted to a lot of nothing. I am grateful that the predicted collapse didn’t happen.
That was 20 years ago! Now we perch on the eve of another year that has a zero on the end of it, and I’ve been thinking about the phrase “20/20 vision”. Medically, the term refers to perfect eyesight. I have not enjoyed decent eyesight without correction since I was 9 years old and began wearing glasses.
But I have also been thinking about my vision for the coming year…MY 2020 Vision. I won’t lie; I have no idea what may be coming. I know that I should be doing all the things: I need a full-time job, in the most urgent way imaginable, and I need to be looking much harder to find one; I should be writing every single day; I should be seeking out the best books and reading them constantly; I should be exercising my body and my voice daily as well to condition them and keep them supple; I should be intentional in keeping my relationships strong, expressing appreciation for every person who inhabits my family/circle/village/tribe. And all the things seem to require way more energy than I have. Every day I know I’m running out of time.
This time last year my emotions were mixed as I anticipated the end of a job I had held for almost 18 years. I felt uncertain, but also hopeful, looking forward to a road trip that I christened #OperationTakeAMinute. I enjoyed that trip, but looking back now, part of me feels like it was a waste of time and resources. I lost a month of time with my precious dog, #OurBoyRoy, and my husband. (The photo below is from last New Year’s Eve. We had to let #OurBoyRoy go to Heaven in July.)
I spent money I should have saved. It was an indulgence that felt necessary at the time; now I wonder if it was the right thing to do after all.
Hence I recall another adage about vision and sight:
Hindsight is always 20/20.
And I’m running out of time.