Thirty years and counting…
Yesterday was a special occasion as Sweet Pea and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. I remarked on social media that when my parents had their 30th anniversary, they seemed like such…ADULTS. And they did.
I have rarely felt like an adult during the course of our marriage, and I mean that in a positive way. Jeff, my wonderful husband, has the best sense of humor of any human I’ve ever met, so that has made our time together way more fun than I think most people are blessed to enjoy. I remember once, when Jeff and I had been going out for a few months, coming home from a date and sitting down with Mama in the living room for a glass of tea. Jeff had spent a decent amount of time with my family by this point, and Mama said, “You seem to laugh a lot with him.”
She was right, of course. But it took her saying it to make me realize how different being with him was from the other fellows I had dated. I had only had a couple of “boyfriends” prior to Jeff, and those relationships were not marked by laughter as much as by angst, jealousy and my need to assert my freedom as they tried to assert their control over me. This thing with Jeff…this was definitely different. Laughing with him led to loving him, a kind of love I never imagined and still marvel over.
Even after 30 years of marriage and 4 years of dating/engagement prior to that, Jeff can still explode with some kind of off-the-wall remark that makes me laugh so hard I cry, or pee my pants, or both. And since he is the funniest human I’ve ever met, it gives me a special kind of joy when I can make HIM laugh. Has our life together always been a barrel of monkeys? Of course not. Have we dealt with issues, tragedies, losses, illnesses and all the other not-fun stuff life is made of? Definitely. Has our ability to laugh made the not-fun stuff a little more bearable? YES.
I know I come with a lot of baggage and I am no picnic to live with. I can be stubborn, overly emotional, petty and selfish. Sweet Pea has his hands pretty full with me.
Here’s the thing. A good sense of humor speaks to all the other qualities that make my husband special and wonderful. I think–and this is just me, I realize—that someone who’s genuinely funny also possesses strength, intelligence, compassion, generosity and warmth. I think those qualities are prerequisites for real wit, real funny-ness. Not just goofball funny, but loving-smart-strong-warm-funny. I give thanks for a partner who embodies such attributes.
And as we begin another year of life together, I pray that I can be for him a fraction of the wonderful things he is for me…smart, strong and warm. Loving and kind and generous. And not just Goofball Funny.
June 21, 1986.
June 21, 2016.