A week of extremes…
As I write this, I am in a northwest Florida condo with a gorgeous view of the Gulf of Mexico. The temperature is 66 degrees, the sun is bright, and the surf is a bit more active today than the Gulf is most of the time. Foamy whitecaps dot the surface of the blue-green water, and the sugary white sand is completely devoid of people.
Five days ago I was working at my current temporary assignment at the library and watching a postcard-pretty snow fall just beyond the reference desk windows. Oak Ridge was whited out, but the streets and pavement were clear and safe, just wet. It was every bit as beautiful as the setting I enjoy now; it was also about as opposite as one could imagine.
It has been a week of extremes. My #FirstEverWorkHusband Martin’s mother passed away on Halloween. Fort Walton Beach was their home for many years, and Charlotte was a driving force behind the local Stage Crafters Theatre company, so it was decided that her memorial service would be held there. Hence our trip to Florida in December. Even though a month and a half has passed since she died, it is still a fresh grief for them, and the gathering of family and friends from decades gone by and miles away seems to have brought a fresh tide of emotion.
At least, it has for me. I grieve the death of a woman I never met, but feel like I knew. I grieve because my friend/person is grieving, and, as Truvy said in the film Steel Magnolias, “…no one cries alone in my presence.” I grieve remembering my own Mama’s death, the anniversary of which was a week ago today. December always brings a fresh tide of memories.
Since we had not seen each other since I visited him in February during #OperationTakeAMinute, Martin invited me to go with him to his dialysis session on Friday, so we could talk and visit away from the crowd of family and friends. When I arrived to collect him, he presented me with one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever received…a pair of large, beautiful feathers he had found during the months since my last visit and had saved for me.
We arrived at the clinic, did paperwork, got him connected and me gowned up, and, as much as possible, we enjoyed short periods of conversation mixed into wordless times of simple shared presence. About halfway through treatment he began to have some chest pain and, long story short, we ended up taking an ambulance ride to the nearby hospital to have him checked out. Fortunately, his heart is medically all right. I am grateful.
While we were in the emergency department, a portable X-ray unit was brought in to examine him in his triage space…and a fresh tide of memory flooded over me as I relived a moment from when Mama was in the hospital and a portable X-ray unit was brought to her room to check her, a moment when she was not stable enough to transport to them, so they came to her. It was my sweet husband’s one meltdown moment during the whole of Mama’s hospital stay. A moment of his deep attachment to my Mama, and his mother-in-love.
It is an odd thing, how present grief can churn up past grief, like the foamy whitecaps of a turbulent surf. The tides are constant, sometimes tranquil, sometimes violent. But the ebb and flow never cease.